Sunday, August 30, 2009

Yey!

The parental units are coming for a visit!

I think the last time my Mom was here was the weekend after the attempt that hospitalized me. And even though my wonderful friend Loud and my wonderful husband D got me home in time to meet them, so they wouldn't have to see me in said hospital, it wasn't exactly a happy visit.

My Dad then came after the car accident that also landed me in the hospital, but this time I couldn't escape for 5 days, so he had to come to the hospital to see me. Here's me, black eyes, cuts and all, waving hi to my Mom while my Dad took this picture:



My Dad also came one other weekend before the wedding to see the house that D and I had bought, and he also brought wine from the vineyards where we had our wedding so that we could taste them to decide what we wanted to serve.

So, while he's been here under times other than under duress, I want my mom to "see" (she's pretty much blind, those who where at the wedding know) how we've been doing, and I've convinced them to come the weekend of Nov 7th.

Yey! I'm so happy :)

Friday, August 28, 2009

Xoe

"They Came From Her Fragile Side
With Imaginary Knives
And A Missing Moment Waiting
For The Next Completed Line

She Died From Lack Of Sleep
And A Case Of Missing Dreams
From A Picture Perfect Wedding
With A Few Deleted Scenes

It's Hard To Watch You Make Believe
That Normal Is Happy
And Everything Else
Should Never Be Seen
Memories That Live Won't Leave

She Thought Of A Thousand Times
When She Could Have Said Goodbye
But The Leaves Were Always Changing
And Her Fall Was Braced Inside

In Her Place There's A Note That Reads
Not The Girl That You Thought I'd Be
And I'm Sorry To Leave Things Hanging
But Your Love Was Killing Me

It's Hard To Watch You Make Believe
That Normal Is Happy
And Everything Else
Should Never Be Seen
Memories That Live Won't Leave..."


~Unfinished Thought

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Stranger

"Nobody believes me when I tell them that you're out of your mind.
Nobody believes me when I tell them that there's so much you hide.
You treat me like a queen when we go out,
wanna show everyone what our love's about.
All wrapped up in me whenever there is a crowd,
But when no ones around;

There's no kindness in your eyes,
The way you look at me, it's just not right.
I can tell whats going on this time,
Theres a stranger in my life.
You're not the person that I once knew.
Are you scared to let them know it's you?
If they could only see you like I do,
Then they would see a stranger too...

Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you?
Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room?
You made yourself look perfect in every way,
So when this goes down, I'm the one that will be blamed.
Your plan is working so you can just walk away,
Baby your secret's safe.

Such a long way back, from this place that we are at.
When I think of all the time I've wasted, I could cry..."

~Hilary Duff

:(

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Hurt

I saw a picture of my brother on facebook last week, of him all beat up. It was just his face, but it was all brused and cut up, one eye even swollen completely shut.
He says he doesn't know what happened - he had a concussion and couldn't remember anything, and that all the hospital staff knew was that he was found on the street and taken in my ambulence.
My god.
My little brother (ok, he's my twin, but he's 1 minute younger than me).
I've always been the protective sister, stepping up to dicks who wanted to beat him up or whatnot, so they'll step down (bullies always do if you stand up to them).
But he won't tell me what happened, and I can't believe he just fell down. I'm distraught. I've always protected him (much to his annoyance) and I can't do a single thing because he's 1500 miles away and won't tell me what happened.
It looks like it was one hell of a beating :(

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What is "righteous" food?

So, I just finished reading Righteous Porkchop by Nicollette Hahn Niman. It's a really good look at the American meat (and subsequentially, food) system, and it's many flaws.
If you haven't read it, I recommend it. It's a bit dry, but once you get into it, it's pretty fascinating. I also recommend The Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Food, both by Michael Pollan. And of course, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver.
All books, together, offer a rather revealing look at how food in this country is produced, though be wary that every book has it's bias and you should probably read more than just one to get the full picture.
I can completely say that they have profoundly changed my life.
Though I suppose I should start from the beginning.
Let's go back to January, 2007. I had gotten into a horrific car crash, thanks to my genetic ability to consume ludicrous amount of alcohol and still walk and talk like a normal human being (BAC of .29, anyone?). I was stuck at home for over 2 months, recovering, and still have lasting injuries that will stay with for me for the rest of my life. During those torturous ten weeks, I mostly slept and went to physical therapy, and the many other hours were interspersed with times of complete rage at my condition and the hell that came along with it. I worked a couple of hours a day to pay for my company subsidised heath insurance and such, but couldn't do much else (can you imagine not even being able to shower or cook/eat without assistance?). So, I read a lot.
One of the books 11frogs gave me was the AMV book mentioned above. I really got into it. Come mid-summer, I'd read the book and wanted to start going to the farmer's market 5 min away from our house. Since I'm not the type to get up any earlier than noon on weekends, I decided that going before work on Wednesdays was a good compromise. I'd get up a bit earlier in the middle of the week, but would still have my weekends.
Since then, I haven't missed a market. Even when I was on home confinement for 3 horrid months, I got up early and my husband wore his blue-tooth cell phone earpiece to the market so he could talk to me while he went to get our groceries for the week. We could get almost everything - fruit, veggies, eggs, cheese, beef, pork and chicken. We began to know everyone there.
There's the hosta/onion/brandywine lady, the tomato lady, the egg and donut guy, the goat cheese and garlic/onion guy, the beef people, Dan (who sells us our duck, pork and chicken) and Farmer John (who sells cheese).
Over the past 2+ years, we've become regulars. We're there at the first market in April, through to the the last one in November, travel schedules permitting. We know people and we talk to them, and it's such a nice way to start a day. If one of us isn't there, the other one gets asked where the spouse is. It's such a wonderful thing, to feel that connected.
Last fall, we decided to buy meat in bulk to last us the winter. We bought a chest freezer (best investment EVER!) and purchased a 1/4 cow and 1/2 a hog from the farmer's market people - and I can sincerely say that this is the best beef and pork I've ever eaten. I mean, sure, we got 30+ lbs of ground beef, so it's been an extreme exercise in restraint and creativity to find ground beef recipes that aren't boring and to not default to just eating all the yummy steak cuts that we got. But everything is still good.
And yes, with the pork, I need to remember to take the pork out 2 days before we want to eat it - one day to defrost and one day to brine it in a salt, sugar and vinegar solution - but it's AMAZING when we do cook it. Seriously. It tastes like pork!
Over the summer, we've also purchased 15 whole chickens because we did miss the poultry side of life. They are currently also residing in our chest freezer (well, 12 of them are anyways :P).
Another fun thing about this is that, with the hog, we got like 6 lbs of lard. Since I do try to encourage healthy eating, we haven't tried "pork confit" just yet. Instead, during our month off of work in November (yey the staycation sabbatical!) we're going to try making soap! Yep, let the Fight Club jokes begin - it'll be an interesting experience.
Anyways, to anyone that is still buying meat at the supermarket - I urge you to rethink your decision. Yes, farmer's market meat is more expensive, but it's more flavorful and more nutritious, meaning you can actually reduce your portions without feeling deprived. And if you're worried about buying such large quantities and the cost, ask me. I'd be more than willing to go in on a share with you, and I promise, it's not as expensive as you think.

Friday, August 14, 2009

College love

Ok, so am I the only one who misses college love?
You know, the "I'll-only-sleep-with-you-a-few-times-then-never-see-you-but-it-sure-as-hell-ain't-complicated" fun? Maybe I shouldn't call it love, but fun. I mean, when did uncomplicated sex become not fun? At every party I went to, there was one guy who'd I pick as fun to sleep with. And I always had a "two-night stand" with said guy, a guy who'd I'd sleep with twice, because after 2 nights (not consecutive, blech) we'd find the other person boring and regular.
I mean, I did something dispicable (along those lines, though not completely) some months after my marriage, and my husband forgave me for it.
So am I addicted to the "rush" from those other guys? I was in a relationship when all my discretions in college happened, but the guys and I were safe and I've never suffered any consequences besides the ones I now think I might have brought on myself (loving doing such things with other guys).
I love my husband, don't get me wrong. But does anyone else miss the fun of new parties, new "one-night" friends, the fun of being with someone new and exciting every weekend? Or is it just me? Please let me know - I'm curious.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

On A Good Day

"Little bit lost and...
A little bit lonely
Little bit cold here
A little bit feared

I'm a little bit hemmed in
A little bit isolated
A little bit hopeful
A little bit cold

But I hold on
And I
Feel strong
And I
Know that I can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a good day"
~Oceanlab

Monday, August 10, 2009

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Work is being stupid today. Like, really, really, unbelievably stupid.

*whine*

Make the stupid stop.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Maybe it really was all for a reason

I had a pretty shitty childhood growing up - all sorts of abuse. Emotional, physical, sexual, mental..........I mean, you name it, I endured it. But then I moved halfway across the country and suddenly everything was ok. I moved away from all the abuse, I met my friends, and I met my husband. I love him more than I ever thought possible - I mean, isn't this sort of love relegated to movies? And so, in spite of all the shit, my life turned out so good. I only wish everyone was so lucky.